Have you had any such experiences? If yes, how did you cope with it?
Any views and suggestions on what are the best approaches towards such a situation?
Appreciate your views and thanks in advance,
Sujatha
Being conflicted or caught for a while frequently follows setbacks or bad outcomes. The cycle is typically a rewind loop that mentally relives the bad situation with a variety of “would have”, “could have”, “should haves”.
The key to breaking out is to recognize that the past is over, and only what you are doing right now in the present counts. If the indecision stems instead from a potential future decision or action, the key is the same: ask yourself what you are literally doing right now, and what you should do instead. Use the present to make a difference in the outcome of the past or the future.
A good example is writer’s block. Without fail, simply forcing yourself to start writing a sentence—any sentence—will break the block. You can crumple up the paper—or hit delete—and the sentence is gone, but the momentum takes over and words begin to flow. I’m told that Tiger Woods attributes much of his success to focusing his entire attention on the stroke that he is making right now, not reliving the missed putt of the prior hole or worrying about the fact that another player is three strokes ahead and the match might go to him later in the round. He stands over the ball and reminds himself that in this situation his stance should be a certain way, his grip, etc., then let’s the muscle memory take over and makes the shot as he has a hundred or thousand times before.
- Robert Dolezal
For me, a deadlock occurs when the existing options, information, thoughts don’t present any clear way forward. When this happens, the only solution is to get more options, information or thoughts. In recent times there have been two ways I’ve tried to do this when I reached a deadlock about what I wanted to do with my life. I’ve just chosen one option and proceeded down it. This turned out to be a very painful option - but it ultimately presented me with new choices (though not necessarily better ones). The second way, and the way I recommend is, I sort out more information. I talked (and continue to talk) to lots of different people (including a consellor). I asked questions about about life, what they thought life was, who they thought themselves to be, what was important to them, who they were, who they thought I was etc, etc, etc.
- David Collett
In the West, our culture trains us to seek black/white, right/wrong, either/or solutions. This predisposes us to attack an issue/problem/challenge/”deadblock” with just more people, money, resources, etc. Shelby Foote in Ken Burn’s CIVIL WAR documentary said that the reason there were so many casualties in Civil War battles was that the technology (the rifles) had changed but the tactics had not. The rifles were much more accurate than those used in the Revolutionary War but the tactics of frontal charges didn’t. Hence, large numbers of dead and wounded in each battle.
In our day to day lives, we face much of the same thing. The “technology” for problem-solving has changed but our habits, our preferences, our strategies and tactics have not. We keep doing the same thing over and over and expect different results. This was Einstein’s definition of insanity.
Rather than backing up at a deadblock and then attacking front on with harder force, try using an “Akkido” approach. Let the deadblock be. Like MacArthur in the Pacific, “island hop” past the barrier and do an end run, flanking movement, or reverse. The seemingly insurmountable deadblock will often die its own death by being ignored or rendered into a lower priority.
- Jerry Linnins
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I try very hard not to allow ‘deadlock’ or ‘road blocks’ keep me from moving forward, It’s a mindset that seems to work for me. Sometimes thinking too hard about something will only strengthen the ‘deadlock’ situation. Life is full of choices, so I just make one and move forward. If it turns out to be the wrong choice, I’ll find out about it soon enough and have an opportunity to change direction and correct my course. Sometimes going in a direction that you are not all that sure of will reveal many new perspectives from which to determine your future course and destination.
- Terri L Maurer
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Hi Sujatha,
For the child learning to walk! The challenge of standing, balancing, taking the first step – the pitfalls – yeah were actually REAL – you Fell and had to get up. All around there was encouragement! People would always help and they also knew it was possible. We had role models to see & copy. Basically – decide what you want, see the value in having it and if there is pain or suffering – deal with it as you know they say “No pain no gain” There are no “good or bad” there are Just times and it often depends on our perspective how we Judge them – so don’t judge. Live in the now, in the moment – Give thanks that you Have an opportunity to Take part! Remember – we do not live forever! Nike express it will with “Just do it”
- Danny Small
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Hi Sujatha,
One can give an endless gyan over how to overcome “deadlocks”. But, its not an easy one as one may assume it to be!!
My suggestion would be this –
- When you are in a “dead lock” situation, the first thing to check is your capability and suitability(after measuring the needs of the situation) to handle the problem in hand.
- Next, determine the time you would take to solve the problem.
- If you think it is going to take a lot of time to solve or not possible to solve the problem, identify people who would be able to help you. Scream for help right away.
- Take a judgmental call on who would be able to help you better based on instincts.
I just want to add something which might be of help - “Use people to solve people problems. How you use them and what you do is up to you.”
- Raghuraman Anantharamakrishnan
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These situations are commonplace
Sometimes it takes a change in my path, getting out and doing something different for a while. Sometimes it takes finding my way outside the box, trying something so radical it could never work, just to see where the thought process goes.
- Robert Fornal
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Here are three I use with reliable success:
1. Ask the person who is most resistant: What will satisfy you? This helps me get to the heart of the difficulty.
2. If they say “nothing will satisfy them, I usually will vigorously agree with them that the situation is impossible, that nothing will work, and we should all quit. The trick is to say this with sincerity, not sarcasm. The person who is causing the deadlock often is what Gestalt psychologists used to call “grounded in resistance” and they will often flip positions - just to be against what I am saying!
3. I back off and try to find some way to set up a success with the person, even something small. I either look for commonality in some personal realm or find something the parties can agree upon - anything that will help them (and me) experience a positive result. Once I solved a deadlock when I found out the other person loved the same baseball team I did (Chicago Cubs, of course).
Hope this helps...
In addition, in the world of professional negotiation, there are lots of proven techniques; I like to browse through professional sales magazines for practical tips.
Pat Wagner
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Sujatha
The underlying assumption of your question is that you are always supposed to be progressing. This is not necessarily so. In the process of creation, there is an incubation period when it seems that nothing is happening. That is the period in which one must tolerate ambiguity and unpredictability - and I might add - keep one’s eyes wide open, because that is when the simplest and quietest moments of genius often present themselves. Bearing in mind a simple premise, “If you always do what you’ve always done, you always get what you always got,” attempt to find quiet rest during a period of what you perceive to be deadlock. Put yourself in an environment where you feel safe and comfortable. Take a break and don’t think about the deadlock. Re-orient your thinking to a neutral, non-judgmental position, and a new and highly viable alternative may appear. But, give it time.
- Leri M. Thomas
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I know it’s over used, but look at the situation like a game of chess. Take solace in moves to comes and plan, plan, plan, plan your way out.
When in these situations I like to find ways that draw my opponent towards me. That may consist of developing services or products that I know will draw a resistant party’s interest. Or it may mean working more with a competitor and letting the word blow down wind. The key to cracking any tight situation however is planning.
- Nathan Schultz
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As soon as I overcome an obstacle, God throws another one at me. I cope through yoga and the understanding that the one who got me through the last one will get me through the next one.
That “one” being the same who threw the first.
- Howard Halpem
